Anonymous sent: I am so proud of you to make the decision to get better. It will take time but you got this!!! I hope you feel better soon,we are here for you if you need us. :)

Wow.. I really, really appreciate this. Thank you so much!

It finally happened. Even though I was in the clear for everything else.. I do realize I haven’t had my period since April and I lied about that.

But my glucose level dipped to 43 (!!!!!) and my blood pressure was extremely low. This was after blood work and 3 vaccines. I passed out twice and had a small seizure. 

This eating disorder has got me on a choke hold and I’m holding onto it for dear life. 

I need help and I can’t stop myself.

I’m not even underweight but everyone kept saying how small I am but all I was thinking today is that I feel bigger. 

When will this stop…

At least I ate the meal they gave me.. And some of my parents supper to appease them and my boyfriend.
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vict0ryscontagious:

Happy birthday to me.  
This is what an eating disorder does to you.  It keeps you from celebrating and living every day of your life.  Here I am, on my 23 birthday, hooked up to machines to keep me alive.  I came in with extremely low blood pressure and a glucose level that can put someone in a coma.  
I haven’t been able to eat in weeks… Anorexia feels like someone is holding me hostage; I’m chained up to a wall with food just out of reach.  It feels like your captor screaming in your head you are worthless and a waste of space.  It tells you that food will only make you more of a hopeless disgrace than you already are.  Anorexia puts you are in a hole so deep you can no longer see the light.
An eating disorder isn’t cute, or anything to romanized about.  It is a murderer.  Today I was told I could die before I get to go to grad school.  I was supposed to start school in 3 weeks….  Even now, even as I lay here in a hospital bed with an IV keeping me alive, the eating disorder has a firm grasp on me.  I refused both meals offered to me.  Even just the smell of them made me incredibly anxious. 
This is a wake up call, a lot of people don’t understand why not only me, but hundreds of others can’t just eat food like everyone else.  This mental illness is just no that simple.  It is not logical or rational, but it is also a very real struggle.  So please be supportive of anyone you know who is suffering from an eating disorder.  You may never be able to understand, but you can be there for them.  

Oh my god . This same exact thing happened to me today…
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3 weeks ago
114 notes

Nothing kills you like your mind

My 6 word story (via ocean-wavezz) —

1 month ago
166,901 notes

Nothing kills you like your mind

My 6 word story (via ocean-wavezz) —

1 month ago
166,901 notes

mydogsnokes:

i miss when i was like 12 and it would be the night before a big field trip or something and i couldnt go to sleep because i was so excited. i miss being so into a book that i would stay up past my bed time reading it. everything seems so bland or something idk. i’m only 19 and everything is so tiring. i miss wanting to be awake

2 months ago
337,665 notes

if you like me i’ll literally never realize it until you tell me, “I like you” and even then I’m still not sure

(Source: r0yall)

2 months ago
678,688 notes

Its difficult, wanting to be everything and nothing at once

my head (via xwe-found-lovex) —

3 months ago
32 notes

thelifeofhana:

MY GIVEAWAY! 
This includes:
A packet of ferrero rocher
A packet of Tortina cookies
A Green & Black’s butterscotch chocolate bar
A salted caramel chocolate bar
Coffee shortbread
Crunchie rocks
Lemonade making kit
6 different tea bags (unpictured): detox, cleanse, cinnamon, revitalise, serene jasmine green tea and rose garden 
The Fault In Our Stars by John Green
Cute rubbers
3 testers of my favourite Diptyque perfume (Olene)
Cute notepads
A rimmel nail varnish
… and possibly more!
RULES:
MBF me thelifeofhana (I will check!)
Reblogs only (No likes please!)
No thinspo/fitspo/pro ED/depression blogs 
Ends on the 29th of June
I will ship anywhere and will pick the winner randomly. 
Good luck!
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3 months ago
953 notes

4 months ago
5,742 notes

faultinourstarsmovie:

One note = one vote. Like or reblog to vote for your state! Go California! http://thefaultinourstarsmovie.com/demandourstars 

4 months ago
102,642 notes

faultinourstarsmovie:

One note = one vote. Like or reblog to vote for your state! Go California! http://thefaultinourstarsmovie.com/demandourstars 

4 months ago
102,642 notes

Thoughts..

allisonwonderland7:

I just went to the mall, and every mirror, every window….I saw my reflection, compulsively. I can’t help it, and I hate it.

I’m so uncomfortable with my stomach. Before I got sick, I was solid muscle so nothing ever moved/jiggled…and now I’m just fat (not saying I’m fat, just meaning I’m lacking…

Mhmm.

4 months ago
4 notes

antihilarious:

It always starts with “I just want to lose a little weight” but then a little weight is never enough

5 months ago
56 notes

someone: have you seen this movie?
me: no but i've seen gifs

5 months ago
474,037 notes

Niclas-kjellstrom Matseke